***********************************************************

As Bill Sees It

Those Other People, p.268

"Just like you, I have often thought myself the victim of what other
people say and do. Yet every time I confessed the sins of such
people, especially those whose sins did not correspond exactly with
my own, I found that I only increased the total damage. My own
resentment, my self-pity would often render me well-nigh useless to
anybody.

"So, nowadays, if anyone talks of me so as to hurt, I first ask myself if
there is any truth at all in what they say. If there is none, I try to
remember that I too have had my periods of speaking bitterly of
others; that hurtful gossip is but a symptom of our remaining
emotional illness; and consequently that I must never be angry at the
unreasonableness of sick people.

"Under very trying conditions I have had, again and again, to forgive
others--also myself. Have you recently tried this?"

Letter, 1946

***********************************************************

Walk In Dry Places
 
The Fear Of Loneliness
Raising Self-Esteem
The fear of being alone brings strange results.  It may cause us to cling to arrangements and relationships that are unsatisfactory or destructive.  Some of us become enablers for loved ones who are still drinking; quite often this can involve putting up with abuse we shouldn't have to endure.
We endure such relationships because we fear we'll be alone and defenseless without them.  We may even put up with friends who are manipulative or treacherous because we can't visualize having happier, healthier friendships.
When we recognize that we are holding on to unsatisfactory relationships for such reasons, we need to apply the program more diligently in our own lives.  Usually, we need more self-esteem--a belief that we deserve satisfactory relationships.  We do not have to be alone, but neither do we have to endure what amounts to abuse and rejection.
WhetherI'm with people or alone today, I'll know that all of my relationships should be satisfactory for everybody involved.  I'll let my Higher Power guide me to the relationships that are right for me.

***********************************************************

Keep It Simple
 
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."Franklin D. Roosevelt
  As addicts, we had lots of fear. Some of us were afraid of failure. So we didn't try to do much. Or else we tried too hard all the time. We used alcohol and other drugs to forget our fear, but it didn't go away. It got worse. Now we know we don't have to be afraid. When our lives are in the care of our Higher Power, we're safe. Faith is the cure for out fear. But still, fear keeps creeping back inside us. That's okay. It's normal. There is so much that's new in our sober life! We don't know what will happen next. It's hard to always remember to trust our Higher Power. It's hard to always do what our Higher Power says. It's hard to always have faith. We have to practice turning our fear over to our Higher Power.
Prayer for the Day:  Higher Power, be with me when I'm afraid. Help me remember to have faith to believe in You, even when my fear tells me not to.
Action for the Day:  Today, I'll notice my fear and pray each time get afraid.

***********************************************************

Each Day a New Beginning

Destruction. Crashing realities exploding in imperfect landings. Ouch. It's my heart that's breaking, for these have been my fantasies and my world.
--Mary Casey
We frequently aren't given what we want--whether it's a particular job, a certain relationship, a special talent. But we are always given exactly what we need at the moment. None of us can see what tomorrow is designed to bring, and our fantasies are always tied to a future moment. Our fantasies seldom correlate with the real conditions that are necessary to our continued spiritual growth.
Fantasies are purposeful. They give us goals to strive for, directions to move in. They are never as far-sighted as the goals our higher power has in store for us, though. We have far greater gifts than we are aware of, and we are being pushed to develop them at the very times when it seems our world is crashing down.
We can cherish our fantasies--but let them go. Our real purpose in life far exceeds our fondest dreams. The Steps have given us the tools to make God's plan for us a reality.
How limited is my vision, my dreams. If one of mine is dashed today, I will rest assured that an even better one will present itself, if I but let it.

***********************************************************

Alcoholics Anonymous - Fourth Edition

BILL'S STORY

I saw that my friend was much more than inwardly reorganized. He was on a different footing. His roots grasped a new soil.
Despite the living example of my friend there remained in me the vestiges of my old prejudice. The word God still aroused a certain antipathy. When the thought expressed that there might be a God personal to me this feeling was intensified. I didn't like the idea. I could go for such conceptions as Creative Intelligence, Universal Mind or Spirit of Nature but I resisted the thought of a Czar of the Heavens, however loving His sway might be. I have since talked with scores of men who felt the same way.

pp. 11-12

***********************************************************

Alcoholics Anonymous - Fourth Edition Stories

Because I'm An Alcoholic

This drinker finally found the answer to her nagging question, "Why?"

Blackouts began, vacant places in my life when hours would disappear, lost to memory. The first time was after I'd given a dinner party. The next morning I woke up without remembering that I'd told my guests goodnight and gone to bed myself. I searched the apartment for clues. The table was cluttered with dessert glasses and coffee cups. Bottles were empty, and the glasses too. (It was my custom to polish off any drinks that were left.) My last memory was sometime during diner. Did we ever finish? But there were the plates. I was terrified that I'd done something horrendous, until my friends called to tell me they enjoyed the evening.

p. 340

***********************************************************

Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

Step Four - "Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves."

The sponsors of those who feel they need no inventory are confronted with quite another problem. This is because people who are driven by pride of self unconsciously blind themselves to their liabilities. These newcomers scarcely need comforting. The problem is to help them discover a chink in the walls their ego has built, through which the light of reason can shine.

p. 46

***********************************************************

Thought is the blossom; language the bud; action the fruit behind it.
--Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Let me tell thee, time is a very precious gift of God; so precious that it is only given to
us moment by moment."
--Amelia Barr

Pain is never permanent.
--Saint Theresa of Avila

Meetings: A checkup from the neck up.
--unknown

Don't give up before the miracle happens.
--unknown

***********************************************************

Father Leo's Daily Meditation

FREEDOM

"You are free and that is why
you are lost."
-- Franz Kafka

Part of my understanding of spirituality is that we have many choices and we live in
moments of "not knowing". Part of being human is that we have feelings of being lost.
These feelings can lead to fear and loneliness or they can be seen as the essence of
man's risk and adventure. With freedom comes daily uncertainties; nothing is
predestined or made to happen God is in the choice. Herein lies true greatness. The
fact is that we do not have all the answers. We are not sure of the results. The joys
are mingled with the pain and sorrows such is the divinity of life. And yet still we
choose to live!

Sobriety is accepting the reality of this uncertain life. My responsibility is accepting
this freedom and making a daily choice not to drink.

May I accept my "lostness" until I return home to You.

***********************************************************

"...behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, 'Joseph, son of
David, do not fear to take Mary your wife, for that which is conceived in her is of the
Holy Spirit; she will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his
people from their sins."
Luke 1:20-21

Let them give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love, and His wonderful deeds for men.
Psalm 107:15

Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and He saved them from their distress.
Psalm 107:19

***********************************************************

Daily Inspiration

If you are not happy with what you have, how will you be happy with what you want to have? Lord, may I appreciate the good things in my life and refuse to feel sorry for myself or compare myself to others.

Many joys come from the simple things. Lord, open my eyes that I may see the wonders in my life and take the time to enjoy them.

***********************************************************

NA Just For Today

The Message Of Our Meetings

"The fact that we, each and every group, focus on carrying the message provides consistency; addicts can count on us."
Basic Text pg. 64-65

Tales of our antics in active addiction may be funny. Stories of our old bizarre reactions to life when using may be interesting. But they tend to carry the mess more than the message. Philosophical arguments on the nature of God are fascinating. Discussions of current controversies have their place - however, it's not at an NA meeting.

Those times when we grow disgusted with meetings and find ourselves complaining that "they don't know how to share" or "it was another whining session" are probably indications that we need to take a good, hard look at how we share.

What we share about how we got into recovery and how we stayed here through practicing the Twelve Steps is the real message of recovery. That's what we are all looking for when we go to a meeting. Our primary purpose is to carry the message to the still-suffering addict, and what we share at meetings can either contribute significantly to this effort or detract greatly. The choice, and the responsibility, is ours.

Just for today: I will share my recovery at an NA meeting.

***********************************************************

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Endurance is nobler than strength, and patience than beauty. --John Ruskin
It's hard to keep from trying to control the lives of others, especially in a family. We can learn from the man whose friend drove twenty miles to and from work on the freeway every day. "How can you do it?" he asked. "I've tried, and I can't go a mile in such traffic without screaming at the crazy drivers who cut in, go too slow, change lanes. Nobody listens. I'd lose my mind if I had to do it your way." His friend replied, "Your trouble is trying to drive every car around you. I relax and drive only one car--my own."
We have only our own lives to live, and this is usually enough to keep us busy. If we pay too much attention to how others live, we will neglect ourselves.
What acts of others can I ignore today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Ultimately, both parents and children are seen as individuals. For all their claims on one another, each is entitled to a life separate and distinct from the other. --Francine Klagsbrun
The process of untangling the relationships between ourselves and our parents - as well as with our children - is a long term process. Each of us came into the world helpless. As sons, we had no choice about relying on our parents. We reached manhood with a mixture of gratitude, guilt, and resentment. The same is true of our children. Those of us who are fathers began with an obligation to our children. We may now feel a mixture of commitment, fulfillment, and guilt.
No parent can teach a child everything he or she will need. We all do what we can to continue to learn and grow. We have lifelong commitments to each other--within reason. We are all trying to make our way as best we can. We each need to advance our own well-being and not destroy our lives for the sake of a parent or a child.
Today, I will be responsible for myself. Then I can be more responsible to others.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Destruction. Crashing realities exploding in imperfect landings. Ouch. It's my heart that's breaking, for these have been my fantasies and my world.
--Mary Casey
We frequently aren't given what we want--whether it's a particular job, a certain relationship, a special talent. But we are always given exactly what we need at the moment. None of us can see what tomorrow is designed to bring, and our fantasies are always tied to a future moment. Our fantasies seldom correlate with the real conditions that are necessary to our continued spiritual growth.
Fantasies are purposeful. They give us goals to strive for, directions to move in. They are never as far-sighted as the goals our higher power has in store for us, though. We have far greater gifts than we are aware of, and we are being pushed to develop them at the very times when it seems our world is crashing down.
We can cherish our fantasies--but let them go. Our real purpose in life far exceeds our fondest dreams. The Steps have given us the tools to make God's plan for us a reality.
How limited is my vision, my dreams. If one of mine is dashed today, I will rest assured that an even better one will present itself, if I but let it.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Staying Open to Our Feelings
Many of us have gotten so good at following the "don't feel" rule that we can try to talk ourselves out of having feelings, even in recovery.
"If I was really working a good program, I wouldn't feel angry."
"I don't get angry. I'm a Christian. I forgive and forget."
"I'm not angry. I'm affirming that I'm happy."
These are all statements, some of them quite clever, that indicate we're operating under the "don't feel" rule again.
Part of working a good program means acknowledging and dealing with our feelings. We strive to accept and deal with our anger so it doesn't harden into resentments. We don't use recovery as an excuse to shut down our emotions.
Yes, we are striving for forgiveness, but we still want to feel, listen to, and stay with our feelings until it is time to release them appropriately. Our Higher Power created the emotional part of ourselves. God is not telling us to not feel; it's our dysfunctional systems.
We also need to be careful how we use affirmations; discounting our emotions won't make feelings go away. If we're angry, it's okay to have that feeling. That's part of how we get and stay healthy.
Today, I will refuse to accept shame from others or myself for feeling my feelings.


Today I welcome all my feelings. Today I deserve to feel joy and love and gratitude and warmth and affection, just to name a few. --Ruth Fishel

***************************************

Journey To The Heart

Celebrate Holidays but Honor Your Holy Days

Holidays help us remember important national and religious events. Holidays are marked by the calendar.

Holy days are something else. Holy days are the days we remember not because they are marked on any calendar, but because they are important spiritual events to us. These are the days our souls remember. A birthday. The day a loved one left this earth. The anniversary of a significant change in our lives– the day we started something, the day we stopped doing something, the day we accomplished something important to us, a new beginning.

Celebrate the holidays marked by the calendar in whatever way you choose. Some of these may be holy days for you as well. But remember to honor your own holy days, the ones that are special to you.

Celebrate holidays, but honor your holy days,too. Choose your own rituals. Honor what is sacred to you.

***************************************

More Language Of Letting Go

Savor each moment

Enjoy each moment as it comes.

It’s so easy to relish that final moment, when the project is finished and the work is turned in. It’s easy to trick ourselves into thinking that peak moments in life are the only ones that count.

In Benjamin Hoff’s The Tao of Pooh, Pooh talks about the anticipation of eating his honey. The moment when the honey touches your lips is good, Pooh says. But there’s the moment right before, that moment of anticipation, that might be just as good if not better.

Go for your dreams. Go for those peak moments of performance and pleasure,too. The day you get your ten-year medallion for sobriety is a good day. Achieving that success in your career– that special award– is a wonderful moment, indeed. And those peak moments in love are indescribably delicious to experience and reminisce about.

While many people talk about being in that peak zone of pleasure all the time, most of us know that peak moments are only a very small fraction of our lives. If we only enjoy those peak moments, or those moments just before, we’ll forget to notice the importance of a lot of our lives.

Go for peak moments. But open up your heart and let the sheer raw beauty of all the moments in. When you stop looking and waiting for those peak experiences, you might find out how sweet and delicious each single moment really is.

Savor each moment of your life.

God, help me let go of anything that’s sabotaging my joy. Help me release the belief that I can only find happiness, pleasure, and joy when I’m on top of a peak.

***************************************

Stronger for It
Mending a Broken Heart by Madisyn Taylor

A heart that has been broken and seen pain, reveals within it, a crack that allows more light in.

Heartbreak happens to all of us and can wash over us like a heavy rain. When experiencing a broken heart, our ethereal selves are saturated with grief, and the overflow is channeled into the physical body. Loss becomes a physical emptiness, and longing is transmuted into a feeling that often cannot be put into words. Mending a broken heart can seem a task so monumental that we dare not attempt it for fear of damaging ourselves further. But heartbreak, like all emotions, falls under the spell of our conscious influence.

Often the pain that wounds us most deeply also leaves the most enduring mark upon us. The shock that becomes the tender, throbbing ache of the heart eventually leads us down the path of enlightenment, blessing our lives with a new depth and richness.

Acknowledging heartbreak's impermanence by no means dulls its sting for it is the sting itself that stimulates healing. The pain is letting us know that we need to pay attention to our emotional selves, to sit with our feelings and be in them fully before we can begin to heal. It is said that time heals all wounds. Time may dull the pain of a broken heart, but it is fully feeling your pain and acknowledging it that will truly help you heal. Dealing with your heartache in a healthy way rather than putting it off for tomorrow is the key to repair. Gentleness more than anything else is called for. Most important, open yourself to the possibility of loving, trusting, and believing again. When, someday soon, you emerge from the cushion of your grief, you will see that the universe did not cease to be as you nursed your broken heart. You emerge on the other side of the mending, stronger for all you have experienced. Published with permission from Daily OM

***************************************

A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

I’m learning — all too slowly, at times — that when I give up the losing battle of trying to run my life in my own way, I gain abiding peace and deep serenity. For many of us, that learning process is a painfully slow one. Eventually, however, we understand that there are only two wills in the world, my will and God’s. Whatever is within my direct control is my will; whatever is beyond my direct control is His Will. So I try to accept that which is beyond my control as God’s will for me. Am I beginning to realize that by surrendering my will to the Divine Will, I am for the first time living without turmoil and without anxiety?

Today I Pray

May I hope that my will can be congruent with the all-encompassing will of God. I pray that I will know immediately if my will is in a useless tug-of-war with His Divine Will. May I trust God now to guide my will according to his Master Plan — and to make His purpose mine.

Today I Will Remember

Achievement comes when my will is in harmony with God’s.

***************************************

One More Day

The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today. Let us move forward with strong and active faith.
– Franklin Delano Roosevelt

Major changes in our lives may stun us — with delight or perhaps disbelief. After all, not all changes are negative. But when the change is negative, when illness is diagnosed or when pain pervades each day, we may begin to doubt our own inner resources. Once physically strong, we will have to dig deeper than ever to tap into our spiritual resources as well.

If we have doubts today, it may be because we are still locked into our physical selves. We are more than body, and it is our spirits that can be nourished by our caring Higher Power, Our value and importance are revealed by that care. knowing this, we can move forward with our lives.

I will look beyond my physical body for a source of strength and care.

************************************

Food For Thought

Concentrating

Our program requires concentration. It is not something that we may consider casually in odd bits of leftover time. Since abstinence is the most important thing in our lives, we devote our best energies to maintaining it. Many of us find that time spent concentrating on our program at the beginning of the day is most fruitful.

These periods of concentration do not need to be long. It is the quality of our attention that counts. A few minutes in the morning spent in contact with our Higher Power can set the tone for the entire day. We touch base with who we are and where we are going. Concentrating brings results.

Whenever thoughts of food and eating interrupt our activities, we can stop for a moment to concentrate on our program. Abstinence is not always foremost in our minds, but it is always there when we are threatened by a return to old thoughts and cravings. Compulsive overeating was concentration on food; abstinence is concentration on recovery.

I pray that You will direct my concentration.

*****************************************

One Day At A Time

ACTION
"You learn to speak by speaking,
to study by studying,
to run by running,
to work by working;
in just the same way,
you learn to love by loving."
St. Francis De Sales
(1567 - 1622)
(in French, St François de Sales)
Bishop of Geneva, Switzerland and a Roman Catholic saint.

St. Francis de Sales lived from 1567 to 1622. Isn't it amazing that a man who lived over 300 years before the birth of our recovery program could encapsulate its meaning in the above quote? Put another way, what St. Francis was saying was, "You work the program by working the program."

I've met so many people who had theoretical knowledge of recovery, but no practical experience. They don't work the program; they just talk the talk without walking the walk. I'm not proud to admit that I've been one of those people myself.

It's a wonderful feeling to actually work the program, to take the Steps, and to trust in the God of my understanding to keep me working it. Paying lip service to the program doesn't bring recovery; only working it does. Anything else is a waste of time and energy.

One Day at a Time . . .
I will work the program by working the program; today, I'll take action to bring about my recovery.
Jeff

*****************************************

AA 'Big Book' - Quote

As we discovered the principles by which the individual alcoholic could live, so we had to evolve principles by which A.A. groups and A.A. as a whole could survive and function effectively. It was thought that no alcoholic man or woman could be excluded from our Society; that our leaders might serve but never govern; that each group was to be autonomous and there was to be no professional class of therapy. - Pg. xix - 4th Edition - Forward To The Second Edition

Hour To Hour - Book - Quote

Addiction is the great solvent that equalizes all people. We are equal in our addiction and equal in our program of recovery. Although with each passing day of sobriety we get clearer, we are only one fix, pill, drink, smoke, or snort away from a binge--at 18 days or 18 years!

May I realize I am no better or worse than another, or them from me. We are equal in our recovery.

Letting Go

Letting go of the past and moving on is a tall order; it requires a kind of releasing that I still find difficult to do. My past will always be in the shadows of my memory to haunt me if I do not recognize it as a part of me. If I pretend it's not important, grit my teeth and force myself to numb myself, I have missed the point of this process. On the other had, if I am unwilling to let go no matter how many times I have worked through certain issues, I am also not allowing myself to be fully healthy and return to life. The part of my healing that is a flowing through the stored pain from the past is a decisive, forward-moving action.

I understand that, as part of my process of healing, my responsibility to let go and move on.
- Tian Dayton PhD

Pocket Sponsor - Book - Quote

Honesty without kindness is cruel and kindness without honesty is co-dependence.

If I can't say it kindly, I needn't say it at all.

"Walk Softly and Carry a Big Book" - Book

It came to pass; it didn't come to stay.

Time for Joy - Book - Quote

Today I can handle whatever comes up, knowing that I am surrounded by all the positive energies of the universe.

Alkiespeak - Book - Quote

People think that they're going to get sober by osmosis and going to 90 meetings in 90 days. But there's only one way to obtain and maintain sobriety and that's through the program folded within these 164 pages. - Ted H.

*****************************************

AA Thought for the Day

December 18

Grace
Do not let any prejudice you may have against spiritual terms deter you from asking yourself what they may mean to

you.
At the start, this was all we needed to commence spiritual growth, to effect our first conscious contact with God as we

understood Him.
Afterward, we found ourselves accepting things which then seemed entirely out of reach.
- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 47

Thought to Ponder . . .
Hold your face up to the Light, even though for the moment you do not see.

AA-related 'Alconym' . . .
A B C = Acceptance, Belief, Change.

~*~A.A. Thoughts For The Day~*~

Miracle
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone --
even alcohol.
For by this time sanity will have returned.
We will seldom be interested in liquor.
If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame.
We react sanely and normally,
and we will find that this has happened automatically.
We will see that our new attitude toward liquor
has been given us without any thought or effort on our part.
It just comes! That is the miracle of it.
c. 1976, 2001AAWS, Alcoholics Anonymous, pp. 84-5

Thought to Consider . . .
Don't give up before the miracle happens.

*~*~*AACRONYMS*~*~*
H O W = Honest, Open, Willing.

*~*~*~*~*^Just For Today!^*~*~*~*~*

Bill Undercover
AA History
Among the odd jobs that Bill cited in Bill's Story was his mention of working on a farm for a month. During 1925, Bill and
Lois took off on a trip down the east coast inspecting companies to see if their stock might be good Wall Street
investments. They camped up and down the coast and carried all of their belongings in the Harley-Davidson motorcycle
and sidecar that Bill had purchased.
At the end of April 1925, they stopped at the Goldfoot family dairy farm in Scotia, New York near Schenectady. Mr.
Goldfoot had two sons, both of whom worked for General Electric, a company that Bill was able to penetrate for
investment investigation by befriending some of their employees during that month. They also worked for the Goldfoots
to earn some money to continue on this most successful trip. Lois later acknowledged that she hadn't cared if they
earned a cent on the trip. She had been hoping the fresh air and the hobo lifestyle would help Bill slow up on his drinking.

*~*~*~*~*^ Grapevine Quote ^*~*~*~*~*

"You've got one life to live. Don't screw it up with a lot of maybes, what-ifs, and could-have-beens. Focus on what you have."
Carmel Valley, Calif., August 2000
"Old Advice"

Beginner's Book: Getting and Staying Sober

~*~*~*~*^ Big Book & Twelve N' Twelve Quotes of the Day ^*~*~*~*~*

"But there was always the curious mental phenomenon that parallel
with our sound reasoning there inevitably ran some insanely trivial
excuse for taking the first drink. Our sound reasoning failed to hold
us in check. The insane idea won out. Next day we would ask
ourselves, in all earnestness and sincerity, how it could have
happened."
~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, More About Alcoholism, pg. 37~

"At the moment we are trying to put our lives in order. But this is not
an end in itself."
~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Into Action, pg. 77~

Nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty.
-Alcoholics Anonymous p.56

Our basic troubles are the same as everyone else’s, but when an honest effort is made ‘to practice these principles in all our affairs,’ well-grounded A.A.’s seem to have the ability, by God’s grace, to take these troubles in stride and turn them into demonstrations of faith.
-Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions p.114

Misc. AA Literature - Quote

Selfishness - self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us!

Prayer for the Day: Free Of Resentment Prayer - God, free me from my resentment toward _____ . Please bless _____ in whatever it is that You know they may be needing this day. Please give _____ everything I want for myself and may _____'s life be full of health, peace, prosperity, and happiness as they seek to have a closer relationship with You.